We’re happy to have him home.

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Hi, I’m Nathan. I wasn’t expecting to be here for about another 2 months or so, but… here I am. I can’t wait to meet my sister Lindsay (we have the same birthday!), but being a little “undercooked”, I’ll need to stay in the hospital for a while. But that’s fine — everybody says mom & I are doing quite well.

I think Johnson & Johnson’s new baby shampoo, Nothing But Tears, is a refreshing change of pace, and may help stem the tide of these spoiled rotten kids.

“You’ll notice a difference after just one use,” said Michelle Baker, head of new product development. “Whether it’s your newborn’s more hardened appearance, the way he now approaches people with guarded skepticism, or just that look on his face that says, ‘Oh wait, maybe life isn’t all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.’”

We have many friends who are celebrating recent additions to the family. (Hi Kenneth, Allie, Chase and Keaton)

And so for them, I present a few of my favorite child safety tips from the hilarious book Safe Baby Handling Tips:

It’s like MSDS sheets for babies!