Nothing But Tears

I think Johnson & Johnson’s new baby shampoo, Nothing But Tears, is a refreshing change of pace, and may help stem the tide of these spoiled rotten kids.

“You’ll notice a difference after just one use,” said Michelle Baker, head of new product development. “Whether it’s your newborn’s more hardened appearance, the way he now approaches people with guarded skepticism, or just that look on his face that says, ‘Oh wait, maybe life isn’t all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.'”

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