First Day of School Jitters

The Onion has been on a roll lately. Their latest dose of funny: Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School. “And then later that week we could have a sleepover, and we could all watch scary movies, and try out the new camera I just got, and eat pizza until we pass out.”

Nothing But Tears

I think Johnson & Johnson’s new baby shampoo, Nothing But Tears, is a refreshing change of pace, and may help stem the tide of these spoiled rotten kids. “You’ll notice a difference after just one use,” said Michelle Baker, head of new product development. “Whether it’s your newborn’s more hardened appearance, the way he now ...

Black Man Asks For Change 1

The Onion has been a little stale as of late, but they struck gold with this headline: Black Man Asks Nation for Change “The time for change is now,” said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. His Onion profile page lists him as “Pro-hopes, ...

Ghost Of Barbaro Teaches Nation True Meaning Of Barbaro Day

From The Onion: Ghost Of Barbaro Appears To Teach Nation True Meaning Of Barbaro Day Let us never forget about… you know, that horse… that won that race… that one time… and then died.